It’s All in Your Head

by Chris Atley

Okay, so it’s all in your head. Of course your thoughts and beliefs live there, but the assumptions you’re creating about other people are completely untrue. They literally exist in your head and nowhere else.

This is a tough one to swallow, because sometimes we think we know what is happening with another person and we really don’t.

We’re coming from a good place; with our past experiences telling us certain things to be true. BUT if we start taking things personally, we are definitely off in our assumptions.

Everyone has their own stuff going on ALL of the time. Each of us is operating from our own paradigm – how we see the world. We all have our own unique experiences that then cultivate our beliefs and perspective.

We can’t possibly know what is happening with John down the street who never smiles or the person yelling at their kids in the grocery store. Who knows what is really happening with people behind the scenes. They might even be a close friend or family member sharing their darkest moments with us, and we still won’t really know what is happening for them inside their mind. Thank goodness really. Imagine being so in tune with everyone else. How exhausting would that be?

So how does this apply to business…well there is the obvious…that if you feel off in one area of your life it’s carrying over to what is happening in your business too. BUT this applies on a much deeper level as well. From your staff, to colleagues, to clients, you cannot possibly know what is really going on with them. So to make assumptions when you don’t receive a response from someone right away, or to so readily react to an email with an angry reply is not serving anyone. Especially not you.

What you’re really doing is setting yourself up for a lot of worry, anxiety and deep down FEAR. Caring what people are thinking about you, needing approval and people pleasing to the nth degree to compensate for the assumptions you’re making that aren’t even correct in the first place.  This is the ego in its finest form. It will jade your perspective so that you’re coming from an “I’m not good enough” place.

For example, if someone doesn’t reply to you right away (or within your standards), you start to make assumptions about why and start taking it personally. You then think something is wrong with you (unconsciously), and resort to blame – “I didn’t do anything wrong” – or seek reassurance – “this is weird right?” This behaviour is really stemming from not feeling good enough at a core level. We don’t want to make mistakes and have people not like us, and so we blame or seek reassurance so that we can be in the right instead. This is so we can feel justified in our behaviours - because it feels too painful to feel bad about ourselves and that we might have made a mistake. Tough business.

This is all bull shit. It came from first of all taking something personally when it likely had nothing to do with you in the first place. Then creating a whole story around it, thus impacting how you’re now showing up in the world and letting it affect you and your life.

All because you listened to the ego who told you somewhere along the way that you weren’t good enough and you bought into its story.

You are good enough. People love you and they just have their own stuff going on (like we all do). See it for what it is, and ask for a shift in perspective if you’re having trouble. It works every time. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made an assumption, start to get worked up about it, only to find that not only is it not true, it’s the complete opposite! Our ego likes to talk us into all kinds of stories and the faster you can catch it the better.

You can strengthen your relationship with yourself by practicing self-care, setting stronger boundaries, and saying no more often. This will help you feel more confident, brush things off more easily, and connect with your intuition on a deeper level.

Namaste friends :-)

Written by Success Speaker & Coach Chris Atley, CEO of Chris Atley LLC ~ Decisions by Design. For complimentary success tips for business and life, please visit

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