This is Why You Resist Selling

 by Tessa Stowe

©Tessa Stowe, Sales Conversation, 2010

Are you having fun selling? Are you enjoying it - or do you dread or resist it? If you aren't having fun selling, then I have a hunch that you think selling is all about persuading and convincing people to buy something they may or may not want or need.

If that is what you think selling is about, then it will automatically and naturally create huge resistance and tension on your side as it is simply not in one's nature to try to persuade or convince people. You don't want people to think of you as someone who acts in this way as it makes you feel like a phony. You feel you can't act with integrity using this type of sales approach. So it's fairly easy to convince yourself not to sell at all - or if you do, then you only do it half heartedly.

If you think selling is about persuading and convincing, you'll be asking yourself "How can I do that?" You'll be thinking that there is a lot to learn. You'll believe that you have to master a lot of techniques like how to overcome objections and how to "close." You'll be thinking that you better put off selling until you've practiced all these techniques. But actually you don't really want to use these techniques - as you don't want to be a phony persuader or a convincer - so you put off learning these techniques as well.

If you think selling is about persuading and convincing, you'll also be expecting (and getting) a lot of rejection experience. You really don't like rejection, so it's much easier to simply avoid or minimize doing the thing that is causing it. Therefore, you minimize and avoid selling - problem solved!

So what is the solution? How can you easily and quickly go from resisting selling to actually enjoying it, and as a consequence, make a lot more profitable sales? The solution is quick and easy. Ready? Simply change your definition of selling. Instead of persuading and convincing, define selling as helping people get what they want.

If you believe selling is about helping people get what they want, there will be no resistance on your side as you enjoy that. You like it when people think of you as someone that will help them get what they want. When you are helping people like this, you are acting with integrity as the "real you", and it makes you feel good.

If you think selling is about helping people get what they want, then you'll naturally know how to do that. You'll know that first, you need to find out what they want. If you can help them, then you show them how you can help them. Finally you give them the choice of whether they would like your help or not. Some will and some won't. All of this can be the result of a normal comfortable conversation - which you know how to have.

If you think selling is about helping people get what they want, then you know that not everyone will want your help at this point in time. Maybe in the future they will. Even if they need your help now, it is their choice to decide if they want you to help them. Your role is to simply help them make the best possible decision for them. With this view, there is no rejection because it's not about you. It's simply about them making a decision that is best for them.

Can you feel your resistance to selling go away when you think about selling as helping people get what they want? There is a great sense of fulfillment when you can help someone else get what they want. You'll enjoy sales more with this approach and you'll also make a lot more profitable sales!

Tessa Stowe teaches small business owners and recovering salespeople simple steps to turn conversations into clients without being sales-y or pushy. Her FREE monthly Sales Conversation newsletter is full of tips on how to sell your services by just being yourself. Sign up now at

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